Unintelligentsia

Princess Theodora...

I like porn, by which I mean, I secretly watch as much as the next guy, but to me, modern pornography is about as boring and indistinguishable as you can possibly get. Two, or more, orange colored, plastic people afflicted with alopecia, get together and begin trying to create fire by rubbing their genitals together as fast and as hard as possible for about twenty minutes, and then, when they fail to create said fire, cut to the ubiquitous facial ejaculation scene which was filmed nineteen minutes prior.

But some it seems are able to break this mold and inject some slight, almost imperceptible, hint of eroticism not found in your everyday pornographic movie. Be it, the glimmer in her eye that means she might actually like what she is doing, the coo she makes that makes it seem like she is doing this for some reason other than money or fame, or maybe just the fact that she looks different. And it is precisely this difference that allows some in the pornography industry to transcend pornography and gain a level of fame reserved for athletes, pop stars, or Hollywood actors.

The current starlet who seems to have begun this process is one Sasha Grey, whose recent fame even landed her a role in a horrible, straight to DVD, Steven Soderburg film. In it, she plays a robot, well actually, her character is supposed to be a whore, which you would assume she’d be perfect at, but she decided to add her own take on the part, and she went with “android”. Get it? That means she fucking sucks at acting. But that doesn’t matter! She is so hip right now the Wall St. Journal and the N.Y. Times decided to do a piece on this movie, a movie mind you, that no one cares about. She could have come on camera and delivered a racist tirade against blacks and the Jewish plot to control the world and still everyone would have been enamored with her for being a porn star… in a movie!!!

Sasha Grey is supposed to be a porn star with a brain, and that doesn’t just mean she wears glasses in her scenes, although, she does. Her stated aim is to “push the boundaries of sexuality”. You would think that with a statement like that, she means, to make sex, at least in this country, something that doesn’t have to be a secret or something to be ashamed of. That nudity and sexuality is something normal and unnecessary to freak out about, like when wardrobe malfunctions cause a national uproar. But no, that isn’t what she means. Nothing quite so sedate and reasonable as that. What she means, is turning everything and anything into a potential sexual act, oh, that baseball bat? I could put that directly into my ass. Oh hey, why don’t you gag me with that coke bottle?

Sasha Grey is nothing more than what every other women who has had sex for money or fame has been since Empress Theodora let geese eat seed from her vagina, common. It’s all been done a thousand times before. This isn’t anything new. It’s a new age slut trying to go further than anyone else without realizing there is no longer any point to it.

When I used to go to Crystal Beach there was an old defunct pier that I used to jump off of. It was quite menacing, with rebar poking out all over it and being quite high up from the water. It was a helluva swim out there, but I did it every time I went because it seemed dangerous and invigorating. But one day I swam out to the pier to find there was a group of little kids doing back flips off of it. After that the old menacing pier lost it’s intrigue and I never made the effort to swim out there again. Once one porn star rams a bat in her ass, there isn’t any further need to do it once the message has been delivered, unless that is, you enjoy putting bats in your ass.

So in short, Sasha Grey? Meh.