Unintelligentsia

Freaks on Display Circa 1909

In the late 19th and early 20th century, America was a growing country. It was a land of amazing innovations and inventions, from the electric light bulb to the assembly line and even the cotton gin (I threw that one in because I got an A on a report about the cotton gin in the 5th grade. Whoo!). It had a large and vibrant population, bolstered by immigration and westward expansion. It was a land of industry, with some of the largest corporations the world had ever seen. And, it had freaks.

Circuses like Barnum & Bailey traveled around the country showing off the amazing abominations of nature hidden away in the corners of this great land. Freaks like the bearded lady, snake man, or the guy who could take a cannonball in his fat gut. Yes sir, it was heady days for America. We had more and better freaks than all the other nations of the earth combined.

But these days, it seems as if the rest of the world is rapidly catching, if not surpassing the number and greatness of our freaks. India has the gentleman with super long fingernails, and more recently the six armed baby, whom some even thought was the mortal embodiment of the Lord Vishnu, and now China has this dude:

That is a way better wolf boy than we ever had in the US. He’s like China’s answer to the Geico caveman. America is definitely on hard times when we can’t even produce, and then exploit, a super hairy kid for capitalistic gain. It’s sad really.

But on a positive note, at least we, and in “we”, I mean I, were the first to discover the forecasting possibilities of the “freak index”. Yes I think it’s high time that I receive additional funding, on top of my meager unemployment that is, and perhaps some statistics grad students, so that I might better solidify this freak index I have created, because I feel it’s a far more accurate indication of wealth and power than any strictly economic survey. Pay me!