Unintelligentsia

Who gave the indians bronser???

National Geographic has listed it’s top ten most viewed images of 2008, and numero ten was an image of an uncontacted Amazon tribe firing arrows at an airplane above the rain forest borderlands of Peru and Brazil. It’s pretty sweet that there’s people left on the earth who have no idea life exists outside of the remote jungle they live in.

This tribe should remain uncontacted forever, not because I respect their tribal values or culture, but because the image of this tribe terrify me.

First of all, why is the image so small and grainy? This is National Geographic we’re talking about, you know, the guys who put cameras in dead animals to get high resolution images of animals eating the corpse, so why is the first image of this strange and ancient tribe in the middle of the Brazilian rain forest a grainy 600 by 600 pixel image that looks like a cross between the Zapruder film, and images taken of Sasquatch? It’s almost like they had to rush the shot because they felt the arrows those tribesmen were firing could actually bring down the plane.

Secondly, why are they so tan? Did the last expedition happen to leave a bottle of bronzer behind? I can’t imagine the benefit of having orange skin in the jungle. My guess is its some form of primitive hunting outfit to avoid being mistaken for a leopard and getting a poison arrow in the ass. Anyways, the fact that this undiscovered tribe looks a like a bunch of New Jersey guidos is a tad disconcerting.

And finally, I think this tribe has allied itself with the evil forces of Sauron, because that dude in the back looks a helluva lot like the Urukai, those black orcs that love the taste of “man flesh” from Lord of the Rings. Creepy.

Indian? Orc? Or hobo?

So in short, anthropology a dark science which will eventually destroy us all, and this tribe should be nuked from space. It’s the only way to be sure.